CURRENT STORYLINE
Setting: BALI, INDONESIA
Role: LEADING LADY EXPERIENCING NARRATIVE COMPLICATIONS
Romantic Arc: CRITICALLY DELAYED
Bank Balance: ENTERING THIRD-ACT TENSION
Emotional Stability: SCENE DEPENDENT
<FADE IN>
Well, the good news is I now live in Bali. Island of the Gods; the land of spiritual awakenings, smoothie bowls and minimally clad instagrammers.
The downside is I’ve been living off my savings since I got here so am now approaching my finances with the magical thinking of a woman who’s chosen manifesting over maths.
EAT, PRAY… CARD DOESN’T GET DECLINED.
After spending most of my adult life working as a human clothes horse whose primary professional skill was squeezing into skinny jeans, I’m now attempting to build an entirely new life from scratch.
Naturally, instead of doing something practical like finally creating an actual CV, developing a single marketable skill beyond “oversharing entertainingly,” or learning what networking actually entails, I have responded to this challenge, by pursuing one of the least financially stable career paths known to humankind…
WHY NOT, HEY.
And whilst I’m at it why don’t I accidentally outline five more and develop an entirely unsolicited six-book memoir saga charting my slow horrifying realisation that maybe romantic comedies should not be used as instructional manuals for adult womanhood.
Which means this website is now documenting whether I can successfully narrate myself out of the ruins of the fairytale I accidentally built my entire identity around before the money runs out.
As far as I can tell, two possible outcomes exist:
Ending A) this becomes a bestselling memoir franchise and future scholars will study this homepage as the moment literary history changed forever.
Ending B) I end up back in my childhood bedroom explaining Substack to my parents, while applying for jobs I’m unqualified for.
Both feel equally plausible.
My confidence fluctuates hourly depending on proximity to my banking app and the internal climate of my Word document.
SO the question is: Are you here to witness the rise of a literary sensation, or simply staying for the full-scale implosion?
Either way, you should probably subscribe. You’ll want to know how this ends.
And so might your mate ⬇️
NEW?
You may be wondering how we got here.
Honestly, so am I.
The short answer is: a disturbingly competent man asked what I was doing with my life and, in a moment of panic, I told him I was writing a book.
The only problem was I wasn’t.
Read: His Loss, My Gain →